the little engine that could.

affirmation: my body is a gift.
mood: lost and lonely.
gratitude: i am grateful for sunshine.

five favorite movies:
I. i heart huckabees.
II. donnie darko.
III. the wizard of oz.
IV. bandits.
V. billy elliot.

my sister comes home tuesday evening...thank god. i don't know how much longer i can take this living alone business. having to go through sunday monday and most of tuesday still sounds like too much. seriously though, this loneliness seems never ending and i know that some of it will disappear once mel gets back, but i dont see it getting that much better. i am really hating living here and hating myself for making the rash decision to move here. wtf was i thinking? i could have gone back to mount holyoke, the only place that has felt like home besides germany. no it wasn't perfect, but it was a home.

should i go back to mount holyoke? would that just be one more wrong decision? would they even take me back?

eds taking advantage of this loneliness by offering me comfort. i was able to stay strong for one day again though and fought him tooth and nail. it nearly drained me of all my energy. i feel like there is this enticing monster on my back who makes promises to me all day...and me being so gullible, i believe everything.

right now i'm just feeling so depressed that i can't even write anything...it would just be a slew of complaints and whining anyway.