intro.

so i'm going to be using this blog as a recovery journal. a lot of the exercises i've gotten from treatment (tx) and the somethingfishy website (something-fishy.org), which is a great pro-recovery website. THIS BLOG IS PRO-RECOVERY. i'm saying this mostly to myself because this is the beginning and no one is reading this. i'm trying to remind myself that this is what i want. ((plus i'm anal about my handwriting and angered by how slow i write that i need a break from my written journal...and typing is way faster. those are my superficial petty reasons.))

i'm the middle of a major slip-up, which is getting dangerously close to a relapse. school and loneliness are my main triggers and of course i'm dealing with both right now. its especially hard when school is a main trigger. i feel like since i'm dealing with so much right now with trying to battle ed that i just can't handle being in school. yes i feel weak pathetic guilty and ashamed of this, but school is just way too overwhelming right now. i don't even like school. i like the idea of it...but in reality i kind of hate it. i've lost interest in it. i was supposed to have graduated in just one or two more semesters at mount holyoke and i completely ruined it. it was a love/hate relationship. but at least i had my best friend there with me. in this new place at this new school i just feel so out of place. no connections with people, no real interest in classes or work. everything just feels like such a daunting task. actually right now i'm skipping class because i woke up and fell right into a nervous breakdown. not the funnest way to start your day. ((if this were survival of the fittest, i would be long gone by now...no way i'll be passing on these genes.)) but i've stopped crying and cleaned myself up a bit ((...should clean the apt...when i'm depressed self-care goes out the window...)) now a quick rant and then off to some more self-soothing.

i think the way i will set this up is to start with an affirmation or quote, my mood, one thing i'm grateful for, a list of something and then perhaps a rant or summary of my day...whatever i need.